When I get bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without blood.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.” So I ordered “French Toast during the Renaissance.”
I installed a skylight in my apartment…The people who live above me are furious!
You have an inferiority complex -- and it’s fully justified.